30.11.09
29.11.09
4/29/05 - A Day Beside Myself
After reading Thoreau in Sophmore year I meditated, wrote this, and read it to the class.
I began my studies of myself and the world around me lying in my bed listening to music spending time thinking about the vastness of the universe and how much there is that we do not know. But as I continued on this track I recognized that I would never know the answer to those questions and that thousands of people have thought a great deal more about it than I have and have not found the answers that I sought. I recognized within my first few days of study that people always search for boundaries and finite solutions to many questions that cannot be answered by such simple forms of response. It is similar to trying to answer a complex question with a yes or no answer, only the question is so complicated that it cannot even be expressed through the languages that we have created.
This idea holds the majority of people back from the understanding that their capacity for knowledge is only as extensive as the faculties of their society. History has shown this, but in the study of the diversity of cultures of the world through time, our own faculties grow. Even still, a great deal of concepts are unexplainable through our practical but petty forms of communication.
As I began to escape my body in an attempt to abandon conventional language and converse with the world around me in its purest form, I came to appreciate the incongruity of the universe. Disorder is natural and nature is beautiful. I realized that difference is the only reason we exist to this day, however, it is also the only reason people are killed. Hatred and resentment of fellow men as well as creatures merely takes away from their beauty as pieces of this great whole we call existence. Without random chance we would become jaded by the similarity of all things and it would sicken us. I have recognized and embraced how necessary and gorgeous all things in the world are.
During one of my sessions I thought of a place where there was a basic female and a basic male, and all the creatures in this place were identical, all the trees, all the grass, all the humans. I realized that while this place may in theory be static throughout, time and chaos would erode this consistency, the grass would become different heights, the trees would collapse and evolve, and the humans would long for independence and would most likely discover ways to do so. Thus it is the way of existence, a constant pattern of change and disorder.
As my period of reflection comes to a conclusion the chaos within my head, the cloud of confusion and frustration has been lifted and my mind continues to be full of outward and optimistic thoughts on the future and the present. I would like to continue to free my mind from the ruts it has been driven into by society and encourage you to spend at least an hour a week simply relaxing without modern conveniences appreciating what we have been given.
I began my studies of myself and the world around me lying in my bed listening to music spending time thinking about the vastness of the universe and how much there is that we do not know. But as I continued on this track I recognized that I would never know the answer to those questions and that thousands of people have thought a great deal more about it than I have and have not found the answers that I sought. I recognized within my first few days of study that people always search for boundaries and finite solutions to many questions that cannot be answered by such simple forms of response. It is similar to trying to answer a complex question with a yes or no answer, only the question is so complicated that it cannot even be expressed through the languages that we have created.
This idea holds the majority of people back from the understanding that their capacity for knowledge is only as extensive as the faculties of their society. History has shown this, but in the study of the diversity of cultures of the world through time, our own faculties grow. Even still, a great deal of concepts are unexplainable through our practical but petty forms of communication.
As I began to escape my body in an attempt to abandon conventional language and converse with the world around me in its purest form, I came to appreciate the incongruity of the universe. Disorder is natural and nature is beautiful. I realized that difference is the only reason we exist to this day, however, it is also the only reason people are killed. Hatred and resentment of fellow men as well as creatures merely takes away from their beauty as pieces of this great whole we call existence. Without random chance we would become jaded by the similarity of all things and it would sicken us. I have recognized and embraced how necessary and gorgeous all things in the world are.
During one of my sessions I thought of a place where there was a basic female and a basic male, and all the creatures in this place were identical, all the trees, all the grass, all the humans. I realized that while this place may in theory be static throughout, time and chaos would erode this consistency, the grass would become different heights, the trees would collapse and evolve, and the humans would long for independence and would most likely discover ways to do so. Thus it is the way of existence, a constant pattern of change and disorder.
As my period of reflection comes to a conclusion the chaos within my head, the cloud of confusion and frustration has been lifted and my mind continues to be full of outward and optimistic thoughts on the future and the present. I would like to continue to free my mind from the ruts it has been driven into by society and encourage you to spend at least an hour a week simply relaxing without modern conveniences appreciating what we have been given.
28.11.09
Cold Sun
the breeze is a whip, lashing frozen trees
should have brought my sunglasses she said
squinting to see if we could still be
composure as cool as the wind
orange brown and gray
a touch of gold from the suns reflection off her skin
watching dying grass, remembering where we've been
morning sun warming two hearts of hair
leaves crumble, animating the air
blue of the sky
meet my clouded eye
pale silver carving stone
hammer and nail
chip away apathy
ice sculpture of a head
melting
should have brought my sunglasses she said
squinting to see if we could still be
composure as cool as the wind
orange brown and gray
a touch of gold from the suns reflection off her skin
watching dying grass, remembering where we've been
morning sun warming two hearts of hair
leaves crumble, animating the air
blue of the sky
meet my clouded eye
pale silver carving stone
hammer and nail
chip away apathy
ice sculpture of a head
melting
26.11.09
beauty.doc
A thunderstorm, a living painting rolling across the canvas in my personal gallery. Above me, the most stellar view anyone has ever witnessed. Below me, the most unique landscape Earth has to offer, free of gravitational limits, a seemingly alternate plane of existence. Unadulterated roars above the surface travel hundreds of miles desperate to be heard. Muffled below the surface, these roars become bellows, and the bellows become groans until they are replaced by the songs of the underwater world. A group of dolphins coordinates a feast fifty miles west. A pack of belugas sing a symphony of hope as they return from their annual mating grounds. Deeper still, a rumble emanates from below as a school of salmon suddenly collides with me. I become encased in an envelope, a sort of bubble, each fish on the meniscus always managing to keep a foot of water between my appendages and them. The moonlight ignites their scales, and it is as though I’ve been swarmed by shooting stars, raining down upon me in a glorious luminescent hail.
The most incredible displays of beauty are those incapable of being recreated. The images of perfection, derived naturally for billions of years. Each unique unto itself, irreplaceable, and like wine, get better as they age.
The most incredible displays of beauty are those incapable of being recreated. The images of perfection, derived naturally for billions of years. Each unique unto itself, irreplaceable, and like wine, get better as they age.
24.11.09
From Atop the Soapbox - UMTV
This is an E-mail I wrote today to my boss at University of Miami Television, Natalia Crujieras, Dean Sam Grogg, and the station manager Justin Leiser. It is an depth exploration of my opinions regarding University education and my drive to create as they try to suppress me and take my resources away.
The two resounding reasons cited for my dismissal as Executive Producer of UTunes were a lack of respect and leadership potential, so I will voice my opinion on them in relation to myself, UTunes, UMTV, and the Com School in general. Respect the fact that I'm a student who has been behind a camera for under a year just trying to make an entertaining show and get the most out of my tuition. Respect the fact that I'm not getting paid. Respect the fact that I'm actually a customer in this situation. Realize that the university payroll in charge of UMTV and the Com School in general are, unfortunately for the student body, former industry employees with business and production backgrounds. They really are not educators with an understanding of students' needs. Mine in particular is independence and experience. I feel all the staff involved in the UTunes broadcast have a love affair with the dollar bill, something I will never respect the value of (perhaps because it has none compared to what every human being has inside their self). In my dismissal it is also apparent that they don't respect my right to create what I want to, or have any tolerance of my freedom to make mistakes, the only real way I learn. I am proud of what I've made so thank you for the opportunity but please respect how ignorant this student feels you'd like him to be.
Craig Weierman is not a teacher, and since I've been involved in his productions I've often felt he has no interest in the quality of the broadcast, his apathy is reflected in how he treats my crew and myself. My understanding of his interests are to keep the equipment and students safe and to get home as fast as possible, admirable enough for a paycheck, but does he have to be exercise his power whenever possible? He admits he doesn't watch the shows he helps us make and gets paid no matter how they turn out, the nature of creating student broadcasts I suppose. In the Com School I feel there are many people I call my superiors lacking in aspiration and inspiration. If they weren't they'd be out working on things they actually enjoy. A smile is something consistently absent from many staff and faculty faces. I do respect the fact that they are here instead, teaching a new generation, but their dismay shows.
Serona Elton was invaluable in connecting us with the music school, I'm unsure of her exact involvement, since I perceived Joe Abbati and the Dean as the more critical characters. But she was my lady on the ground, she was very responsive and responsible making reservations and connecting me with people I couldn't touch over there. But as the season wore on, her interest in promoting the things she's involved in, no matter how irrelevant they were to UTunes, got incredibly irritating to me as director and producer. I should have had more dialogue with her because I felt used. I'm really not here to prove her worth to the University and the people she got to sign on as judges. Did the Miami Music Festival even give us anything we didn't already have?
I'm the only one looking out for the bands, the essence of the show, and my crew, as well as the final product. I may be quiet but I steer this ship with my actions. My crew does respect me, and they respect and trust in everything I do and understand where my interests lie as an artist and a peer. It is one thing to make people do things for you, say by dangling a wad of cash in their face, and another entirely to go out and do them with people you love. I am free to say what I want, and sure, maybe you don't agree, maybe I'm as ignorant as you want me to be, maybe I don't care what anyone's opinions about my show end up being because I'm being true to myself and I am happy. Respect the fact that I built this with my heart, my hands, my time, and my friends.
Thank you for supporting me, but you gave up, dropped my baby UTunes on its head. Lessons are to be learned in experience, you can't teach production, creativity, or the value of hard work in a book. Some things aren't meant to be monetized. When you allow what people do, what they produce, to be what defines them, to be the truest form of speech. You will see with the clarity of a school boy. If UTunes has been a disappointment to you and the school, I'm sorry, it was ambitious, I never asked for this. I simply wasn't afraid to try.
The two resounding reasons cited for my dismissal as Executive Producer of UTunes were a lack of respect and leadership potential, so I will voice my opinion on them in relation to myself, UTunes, UMTV, and the Com School in general. Respect the fact that I'm a student who has been behind a camera for under a year just trying to make an entertaining show and get the most out of my tuition. Respect the fact that I'm not getting paid. Respect the fact that I'm actually a customer in this situation. Realize that the university payroll in charge of UMTV and the Com School in general are, unfortunately for the student body, former industry employees with business and production backgrounds. They really are not educators with an understanding of students' needs. Mine in particular is independence and experience. I feel all the staff involved in the UTunes broadcast have a love affair with the dollar bill, something I will never respect the value of (perhaps because it has none compared to what every human being has inside their self). In my dismissal it is also apparent that they don't respect my right to create what I want to, or have any tolerance of my freedom to make mistakes, the only real way I learn. I am proud of what I've made so thank you for the opportunity but please respect how ignorant this student feels you'd like him to be.
Craig Weierman is not a teacher, and since I've been involved in his productions I've often felt he has no interest in the quality of the broadcast, his apathy is reflected in how he treats my crew and myself. My understanding of his interests are to keep the equipment and students safe and to get home as fast as possible, admirable enough for a paycheck, but does he have to be exercise his power whenever possible? He admits he doesn't watch the shows he helps us make and gets paid no matter how they turn out, the nature of creating student broadcasts I suppose. In the Com School I feel there are many people I call my superiors lacking in aspiration and inspiration. If they weren't they'd be out working on things they actually enjoy. A smile is something consistently absent from many staff and faculty faces. I do respect the fact that they are here instead, teaching a new generation, but their dismay shows.
Serona Elton was invaluable in connecting us with the music school, I'm unsure of her exact involvement, since I perceived Joe Abbati and the Dean as the more critical characters. But she was my lady on the ground, she was very responsive and responsible making reservations and connecting me with people I couldn't touch over there. But as the season wore on, her interest in promoting the things she's involved in, no matter how irrelevant they were to UTunes, got incredibly irritating to me as director and producer. I should have had more dialogue with her because I felt used. I'm really not here to prove her worth to the University and the people she got to sign on as judges. Did the Miami Music Festival even give us anything we didn't already have?
I'm the only one looking out for the bands, the essence of the show, and my crew, as well as the final product. I may be quiet but I steer this ship with my actions. My crew does respect me, and they respect and trust in everything I do and understand where my interests lie as an artist and a peer. It is one thing to make people do things for you, say by dangling a wad of cash in their face, and another entirely to go out and do them with people you love. I am free to say what I want, and sure, maybe you don't agree, maybe I'm as ignorant as you want me to be, maybe I don't care what anyone's opinions about my show end up being because I'm being true to myself and I am happy. Respect the fact that I built this with my heart, my hands, my time, and my friends.
Thank you for supporting me, but you gave up, dropped my baby UTunes on its head. Lessons are to be learned in experience, you can't teach production, creativity, or the value of hard work in a book. Some things aren't meant to be monetized. When you allow what people do, what they produce, to be what defines them, to be the truest form of speech. You will see with the clarity of a school boy. If UTunes has been a disappointment to you and the school, I'm sorry, it was ambitious, I never asked for this. I simply wasn't afraid to try.
23.11.09
22.11.09
MeTube
Got my YouTube channel and Vimeo Account up and running
Done-
Utunes and working with UMTV for now - not a politician just a producer.
Peace and Love concert was great.
These are the last videos I'll shoot in the Weeks Studio, Enjoy!
Begun-
Work on igKnite journalism projects.
Done-
Utunes and working with UMTV for now - not a politician just a producer.
Peace and Love concert was great.
These are the last videos I'll shoot in the Weeks Studio, Enjoy!
Begun-
Work on igKnite journalism projects.
Home
Its forests and its fields roll on and echo of New York City. An hour long train ride away from the steel and concrete, the smell of a hot dog stand, the shade of a skyscraper, and the honks of a thousand impatient minds. Home to me is New Jersey, on a nugget of green land, the hills of Chester.
Created in peace, and a loving family, no unique struggle marks my younger life. I may tell stories of my youth and drama will be an exaggeration. Growing through mistakes, I've been a quick learner, but my persistent need for independence is one of my main sources of grief.
I'm willing to throw away everything I've worked for because I'm convinced everything that will matter in the long run could never be held or even pointed at.
Within my insular upbringing lies an unsatisfied curiosity, a fostered need for exposure. Studying and living has shown me such a diverse but xenophobic world. In our ethnocentrism I see humanity's biggest problem, an inability to accept our common nature as mortals, flawed.
I have always sought escape and have a natural drive to resist. In the basement of a church for twelve years in respectful silence I battled indoctrination. Inspired by the diversity of culture and perspective that television, films, reading, my friends, and the internet made me conscious of, I have become imaginative and reactive.
In this column, I hope to get personal, share my reactions and experiences of myself and the planet Earth I've lived.
Spoken in my voice and created in my mind, a little ambition and a mission weave these silk strands of the web. Riding the jCurve you can find the entertaining escapes and imaginative insights which I either produced or simply regard as especially beautiful.
I am a student, aspiring storyteller, geography and electronic media major, today I call the University of Miami my home and you my friend.
Thank YOU!
Created in peace, and a loving family, no unique struggle marks my younger life. I may tell stories of my youth and drama will be an exaggeration. Growing through mistakes, I've been a quick learner, but my persistent need for independence is one of my main sources of grief.
I'm willing to throw away everything I've worked for because I'm convinced everything that will matter in the long run could never be held or even pointed at.
Within my insular upbringing lies an unsatisfied curiosity, a fostered need for exposure. Studying and living has shown me such a diverse but xenophobic world. In our ethnocentrism I see humanity's biggest problem, an inability to accept our common nature as mortals, flawed.
I have always sought escape and have a natural drive to resist. In the basement of a church for twelve years in respectful silence I battled indoctrination. Inspired by the diversity of culture and perspective that television, films, reading, my friends, and the internet made me conscious of, I have become imaginative and reactive.
In this column, I hope to get personal, share my reactions and experiences of myself and the planet Earth I've lived.
Spoken in my voice and created in my mind, a little ambition and a mission weave these silk strands of the web. Riding the jCurve you can find the entertaining escapes and imaginative insights which I either produced or simply regard as especially beautiful.
I am a student, aspiring storyteller, geography and electronic media major, today I call the University of Miami my home and you my friend.
Thank YOU!
Begin LifeLog
In an effort to organize my thoughts, my creations, and ultimately myself, the space above this post will be a growing gallery of understanding. A column of my life, it will stretch taller day after day, hopefully naturally, like a tree as I continue to produce. Chop it down and call it a blog. Maybe I'll be able to build a house with it some day. Worst comes to worst we can burn it and it will keep us warm for a while.
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